You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
