You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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