Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
