So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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