I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
