Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
