she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
