My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
