Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
