my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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