I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
