yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
