All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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