Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
