apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
