ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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