Michael Bay diarrhea
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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