I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
