roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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