I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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