I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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