i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
