Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
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