You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
