is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
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