So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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