my phone needs a breathalizer
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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