I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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