somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
