Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
