I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
