It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
