if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
