There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Houston, we have a blender
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
