I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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