coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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