Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
