at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
