My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
