hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
