someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
