Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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