We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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