Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
