I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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