This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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