i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
