He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
