Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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