There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
