I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
