How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
