sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
