i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
